The color red and its friends
by thefreakship
Summary: She pops in his head enough, accidentally, that he doesn't need to think about her on purpose.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Saturday_, 6:05 AM_

Sasuke's awake. It's been that way for exactly three minutes. Seven-no, six. Early. Not his usual waking time. No sounds, no smells, no chakra presences.

A dream then. He recalls storms, fires, but doesn't dwell deeper. Not this morning.

It's only when he pulls his shirt on, that he registers a quick, sharp pain, coming from the upper part of his back. It's a wound from training with Naruto. Nothing too dangerous, still, it's horrible for putting bandage on. He uses his teeth and both of his hands and does a horrible job of it anyway. A quiet curse makes it's way from his lips.

She spoiled them.

Not just him and Naruto, but Kakashi, Kiba, Shikamaru, Yamato and any other bastard that comes to Sakura, counting on her kindness and inability to see people in pain. Because, as a general rule, shinobi hated hospitals. They go to the green eyed medic, all sheepish smiles and sad eyes and she lectures them, but never refuses.

Which makes him the worst. Sasuke doesn't go to her, ignoring, or not noticing that she may have something better to do with her time, like the others.

She comes to him.

The bandages are on too tight and he grits his teeth, lets his stubbornness take over and walks out the house.

He trains and overuses his Chidori slightly, but tells himself it was necessary (it wasn't).

He absolutely needed to master that new attack, involving shadow clones, his Chidori and a hell of a lot chakra (even though he only started working on it five days ago).

He walks and avoids the village gates. Not because the guards are annoying (well, there is that) and not because he hasn't got a mission in almost a year, during his probation. It's because he remembers numbers. Sasuke is good with numbers, as he is with most things.

She's been gone for twenty days now and the given time for the mission was fourteen.

He automatically calculates that and then tries to suppress it. She pops in his head enough, accidentally, that he doesn't need to think about her on purpose. (Shouldn't think about anything really, it's a disaster on it's own.)

_16:32 PM_

The fridge in his house is empty and he goes grocery shopping. Families were there. Families with their whiny, screaming, giggling children.

They bugged him (of course). Trying to scare them didn't work. Not, when they thought that Sharingan was awesome and that he was cool. _Tch._

He isn't sure where some of the stuff goes, because Sakura developed a habit of getting his groceries and putting them away. He calls himself a fool, under his breath.

_23:14 PM_

It's night. House is mostly dark, save for some moonlight coming through the windows. She always puts the lights on, when she comes over. He never bothers to. (Stop it.)

Sleep isn't coming to him. Meditation is out of the question and the pills she left him are gone. (Seriously. Stop.)

_So it will be another night out, then._ His smirk is ironic and the door makes a creaky sound in the hollow house as he steps outside.

It's cold. Not cold enough to make him regret not putting a jacket on, but cold enough to clear his mind. Well no, that's not right. There is a sarcastic and almost masochistic smile on his face. He can't remember the last time his mind was clear. The cold just makes him more...aware.

The path he picks leads away from the bars, with laughter inside and civilian houses with crying babies.

Sasuke climbs the tallest tree he could find and it's not good enough. His Sharingan is perfect, but he swears he can't see a thing. Not far enough.

The Hokage mountain is next and it's better, but, again, not enough. The raven haired boy thought he might see her. It didn't matter how, anymore, he just wanted to see her. Dirty clothes and a tired smile, but home. Then, _he_ could go home and maybe even sleep.

So, why can't he see anything? Not a single pink spot anywhere and for the millionth time he wonders why she isn't back and-_damn it, i_t's all her fault. (You should have stopped thinking.)

It's her fault. For coming over, for healing his injuries, taking care of him, when he gave up and not asking for a single thing in return. Almost every day, she is at his house, offering company, smiles and quiet, whispered words, like he was some kind of a vicious animal, she was trying to tame.

Not like Sasuke was asking for any of it, but she gave and he became addicted to all of it. It was also her fault for him spending nights alone, wondering why she was so good and annoying and warm.

Sakura made him curious and made him want to crawl out of his skin. And he hated all of it, but he was addicted and now she was denying him his fix. She is gone. (Just stop.)

The avenger does stop. Get's up and spots the building he wants to jump on. It's a bit risky. Exactly what he's looking for.

Amazing. That small moment where you are almost flying, almost weightless and the rest of the world is irrelevant. Moment between your feet touching something solid and then nothing at all. Almost like being alive and, of course, it's gone too quickly. It's finished when his feet are firmly on the roof of the building he picked, proving, to no one, he was right and the rush is gone a second later.

He manages four hours of sleep that night with feverish waking up every hour, or so and one nightmare, full of shadows and hissings of snakes whispering through his bones.

_Sunday, 14:45 PM_

The lunch with Naruto is unavoidable. The dobe didn't have any big missions lately, so he's obnoxious, hyperactive and loud as ever. Naturally, everybody around the blond had to suffer for it, including the Uchiha. Naruto retells him the story of his last "super important" mission.

"But did you see how I took all of them out at once, it was so awesome, so anyway-"

Sasuke did not "see", because he wasn't there but the future Hokage explained so many times, he might as well have been.

The sound of Naruto's words turns into the sound of his slurps and the Uchiha rolls his eyes at his friends appetite, eying the last four bowls the dobe finished.

Blond hair falls into blue eyes and Naruto grows quiet.

Sasuke notices two things at once.

First, it looks unnatural when Naruto looks worried and/or sad. Especially with the blond wearing his civilian clothes consisting of blue pants and the bright orange monstrosity of a shirt. It makes his eyes hurt and attracts the attention of anybody within 3 miles radius. Second, he has been quiet for three minutes now. Probably a record this year.

"How long now?" The orange clad ninja finally asks.

_Twenty-one days _"I don't know."

"Well it's sure taking her longer than it should, she better be okay."

"Hn."

"I miss her."

"You said that."

"Don't you, Sasuke-teme?"

"No." It's surprising how fast the word is out of his mouth.

Naruto murmurs "Liar", knowing Sasuke heard him and jumps off his stool, after finally finishing his meal.

He follows Sasuke home (even though he told him not to). Rummages through his stuff (even though he told him not to). Nearly destroys an important scroll (and narrowly avoids a punch in the face) and declares that the food Sasuke buys is disgusting, after complaining for the lack of sweets.

After a while of watching his TV (Sasuke can't recall the last time he turned it on), the dobe leaves after nearly falling asleep on the couch. (Well, more like Sasuke threw him out.)

After Naruto goes away, the house is usually left with echoes of his voice booming and bouncing around the walls.

_22:16 PM_

Sakura gave him pills a month and a half after she started visiting him. She noticed the dark rings around his eyes and gave him the medicine, to calm him down, thinking the nightmares kept him awake. That's not quite true. The nightmares were there for as long as the Uchiha can remember.

He can deal with them. This is more recent. It started right after the war, when he faced being home and life turning more tranquil.

It happened when he was thinking. Then he tried meditating to clear his thoughts and it got worse. His mind got a new talent. It started mixing his memories, his nightmares and his own twisted thoughts, piling it up.

That's whats happening now. He feels it.

First, there is a pulse. Sasuke never knows if it's his. Then, a hiss. A whisper. A thought he clings to. A whole scenario. It starts with something simple, "Sakura isn't back." Then it grows.

_She is late, no, she is dead. She is dead and we don't know. So many ways. Poisoned. Choked. Too trusting, they tricked her. Her team is useless They don't know her. None of them. She died helping them, or saving them. Sakura was healing someone, when she got ambushed. Maybe she lost all of her chakra. Maybe she gave her life for the losers. For the worthless- they are so much lower than her it's ridiculous. They better not return, without her. Sasuke will wait for them. He will be merciless. He doesn't care about the probation, or the Hokage and the rest of them. It wont matter that he's the last Uchiha, let it all go to hell. If anyone from the team returns without her, with their pathetic excuses and eyes happy to be alive, but never having the light in them that she does, he will burn them. Can feel it, too. The fire on his skin. Around him. The screaming and the crying and blood. Blood would look so horrible on her white skin. So much contrast._

_Sasuke will burn them._

He sits with his head in his hands, waiting for silence and the scenario to play out. It's only been less than a minute, images and thoughts running through his brain. It felt like hours.

Yes, the avenger has had nightmares for as long as he remembers. He can deal with them. After all, people wake up after them. You can't run from your thoughts.

_17:18 PM_

Black eyes open to the smell of tea. It's around five in the afternoon. Overslept. Minds till exhausted. To be expected, after yesterday. He winces upon getting up. Wound still sore.

The lights are on. Kitchen. She's here.

She's wearing that red shirt (c_otton, soft_). There is a bandage on her right arm. (_Why didn't she heal it? Chakra exhaustion?_)

There is a wide smile on her lips. "Oh, sorry, did I wake you up, I-"

"Why are you late?"

She frowns slightly. "Um, what?"

"You are late. The mission scroll said fourteen days, it's been twenty-two."

"I just explained to Naruto, just got held up, it's fine-"

"It's not."

"Would you stop interrupting me and just listen?"

"No." His voice is harsh as he leaves the kitchen.

He is upset (_You honestly thought she was dead. Just yesterday you saw her death a hundred times right in front of you and_- Stop.), but also relived. Like it's less blurred. The lines of the world and under his eyes. Everything, just more quiet.

Sakura follows him into the room. After a second she comes closer and touches the line in his forehead. Smooths across his frown. There is small cut on her cheek. He hates whoever did that. Whoever hurt her, touched her.

"You were worried."

Sasuke just removes her hand from him, in reply.

She sits and so does he, after a minute. Her hands are on his temples, working on his headache. He should stop this (_tell her to leave, not to come back),_ but it's useless. He is tired.

The medic leans closer. She is warm and there is so much light in her eyes.

He is so very tired. Tired of images and his nerves and his temper and the shadows. Tired of the dark in the house and constantly avoiding thinking, like he's about to have a panic attack. Of the hissing and the noises.

"Don't leave." It comes out much sharper than he intended, like an order. He is grabbing her arm, holding it tightly. (_Just tell her to leave, you selfish failure._) "Ever."

In the next second he tells himself he will kill her. Not purposely. He will do his best to protect her, torture and brutally murder anyone who touches her. But he will kill her. Slowly, over time. Suffocate her. Her light. Warmth. Everything, that makes her Sakura, until there is nothing left. Until she is like him. And he hates that. Hates himself. Never wants her like him.

Then, the green eyed girl is leaning in and he isn't letting her go. But She isn't trying to escape.

That small moment where you are almost flying, almost weightless and the rest of the world is irrelevant.. Between your feet touching the ground and then nothing at all. It's amazing, but gone too quickly and this is nothing like it.

This is like light, almost like breathing. Almost like quiet. For so long, echoes in his head playing a broken lullaby of war and destruction. The world ending behind his eyelids. But now he isn't letting go and she made the echoes go away. It's almost like quiet.

Like peace.

**Just for once, I wanted Sasuke to miss Sakura. ;)**

**Read and review.**


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